Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
