She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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