just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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