It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
