This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
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I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
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Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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