Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
