Dual....:-)
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
