So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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