is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
