I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
