we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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