I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
