just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I understand Curling. That high.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize