I haven't been this sober since birth.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
