A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
