Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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