get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
time to smoke my breakfast
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
