how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Dignity is for republicans.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
