im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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