You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
