She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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