shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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