I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
only if we run a train.
done.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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