Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
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