I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
