If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
