apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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