Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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