Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
