I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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