He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize