shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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