im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
