ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
