My hand turned me down
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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