I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
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Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
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And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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