he shaved USA in his pubs
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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