she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
