I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
