Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
