I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
