i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
