I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
