I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
