as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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