is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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