The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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