Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
FUCK WHALES
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