i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
