you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
