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If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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