I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
