Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
