I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
