Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
