its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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