$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
