The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it glows. i had to have it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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