Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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