A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
This baby is an asshole
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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