Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
