He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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