Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I want to be your penis for a week.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
