you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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