thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
