I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
