she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
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its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
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it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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