i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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