I'm eating all of the evidence.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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