just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
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This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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