I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize