did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
