The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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