Sry I called you an 8
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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