hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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