he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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