I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
