I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
